brenda's thoughts, watch out I'm Christian

You know, way back when I was 19 years old and called into Christian service, I dreamed of foreign countries and teaching children to read. I imagined myself in a jungle hiking in to remote villages spreading the word and helping people. If it hadn't been for God stepping in so boldly I would have joined the Peace Corps. Even now I still think of it. I want to help people so badly but every time I try to help without telling them about God the Holy Spirit makes my heart ache.

I never imagined myself ministering to my peers from my own home on a website.

Everything got so messed up when I married without God's consent just as I was gearing up to take my first step into the mission field.

It was a terrible marriage. The combination of his dominating personality and my people pleasing personality led to abuse. It was awful and we had two children! I can't begin to tell you how awful it was because it still hurts so much to think about it.

After what felt like eternity (and so many horrible experiences that to tell them all would be to write a novel) we got away from him completely. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It took all my courage. Many nights I would lie in fetal position in my bed sobbing uncontrollably. One night my children came to my bedside and cried too. That was the night I knew that I needed to get over it and be strong. I had children to take care of.

I went back to school. I bought my first car, my first living room set (unbelievably, there was fire after the divorce) and we moved into a nice house in a nice neighborhood. God blessed me and the kids so much. We were so completely happy.

I ended up teaching in a low income public elementary school, which I enjoyed thoroughly. I loved teaching kids but they were so destitute. I ended up buying them clothing and taking them food and even a Christmas tree one year. My heart longed to tell them the truth. I felt as if I was doing them a great injustice by not sharing the great truth that God is real and Jesus could save them. I got my hand slapped every time I tried.

After five years the Lord guided me to teach at a museum which I thought was a most bizarre place for God to lead me. Again God blessed us. Again we were so happy. It was a lot of fun and I learned so much about technology and managing people. Again my heart began to ache for my calling so I decided to leave the museum in search of my calling. God did not choose that course. I did.

I had been sick for several years and my medical bills were overwhelming. I went through several jobs; Catholic school kindergarten special education teacher, addiction recovery cottage night manager and even a sales clerk. I learned something important from every place I went but none quieted the Holy Spirit in me. Overwhelmed by debt I filed bankruptcy and moved into my parent's house. We lost everything. My kids were polite but heartbroken.

At my parent's house there wasn't room for all of us. My daughter and I took up residence in the camper in the yard. We made jokes but it hurt.

Shortly after moving into my parent's house my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It seemed as if we were cursed. The operation was a success but the radiation and chemotherapy took it's toll. Today my dad is cured.

After a great deal of re-direction and re-learning from the Lord (the sum of which would be my second novel), I was offered a job teaching middle school EBD children in a Christian children's home. I've never felt so at home in a job. I am surrounded by Christian sisters who love teaching as much as I do. We nurture one another.

I have students whose needs make my heart bleed. Most importantly I can tell them about God. I'm allowed to lead them to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. It just doesn't get better than that unless its heaven.

During this time I was teaching pre-school Sunday school. Again I learned a lot and I loved teaching the children. Children just make my heart sing. They are so beautiful to me.

The singles in my church had gotten scattered and unconnected. I felt a strong desire to help them (help myself) get back in touch with one another. I had discovered years before that being single meant doing it all. Having a Sunday school class of singles meant people who understood. I noticed that the single adults in the class helped each other out tremendously. Now they were scattered and on their own again.

The Spirit called so I stopped teaching pre-school and started working with the singles. In many ways it's the same, just kidding. This is where I am now. If you live in my area, middle Georgia, and are single visit my site and then join us. We take care of each other and we're here for you too.

http://www.notalone.blog.com/

Me, after three years of living in a camper, I am about to move into my own place, my daughter is getting married and my parents are getting their quiet life back. God is so good!