brenda's thoughts, watch out I'm Christian

Within minutes I was absorbed by the silt covered foliage.

All the rains had caused the streams, creeks and even the river to overflow its banks in places. The landscape was changed. Nature wasn't the only change agent at work though. People had left their mark too. Tire tracks, ruts, grooves scared the ground in places. I don't' know who Tommy and Markay are but their love will "endure through eternity". I don't know about their love but their vocabulary is impressive.

I leaned against a familiar tree to eat a few crackers (proactively monitoring blood sugar, growing older sucks) when a beaver or otter waddled from the dried grass into the water on the other shore. I still can't tell the difference. What ever it was, it wasn't interested in entertaining me so I guess that means it wasn't an otter.

Walking in the woods brings out the caveman in me. I was fantasizing about roasting meat; sausage, bacon, potatoes and onions, so I headed for the Waffle House (I should invest in that place).

Clanging and banging dishes

Hollering

"Scattered, smothered and capped"

"Who's washing dishes?"

"I need bacon"

"Me too" I want to holler out. Cholesterol is good for the soul.

My morning activities complete I head home to grade papers, make a big pot of vegetable soup, spend time with my.... (my next article should be titled "my son, my cat and their co-dependent relationship or Manifestations of Negative Attention Seeking"). Youngins!

This is an open discussion on another link but I'm following right along. I believe once saved always saved (Conservative Southern Baptist born and bred). This fella does not. He's a good man and deserves listening to. Neither opinion will keep you from heaven or get you in so the discussion should be healthy not argumentative.
Dig in. http://muddypuddles.blog.com/ 

You know, way back when I was 19 years old and called into Christian service, I dreamed of foreign countries and teaching children to read. I imagined myself in a jungle hiking in to remote villages spreading the word and helping people. If it hadn't been for God stepping in so boldly I would have joined the Peace Corps. Even now I still think of it. I want to help people so badly but every time I try to help without telling them about God the Holy Spirit makes my heart ache.

I never imagined myself ministering to my peers from my own home on a website.

Everything got so messed up when I married without God's consent just as I was gearing up to take my first step into the mission field.

It was a terrible marriage. The combination of his dominating personality and my people pleasing personality led to abuse. It was awful and we had two children! I can't begin to tell you how awful it was because it still hurts so much to think about it.

After what felt like eternity (and so many horrible experiences that to tell them all would be to write a novel) we got away from him completely. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It took all my courage. Many nights I would lie in fetal position in my bed sobbing uncontrollably. One night my children came to my bedside and cried too. That was the night I knew that I needed to get over it and be strong. I had children to take care of.

I went back to school. I bought my first car, my first living room set (unbelievably, there was fire after the divorce) and we moved into a nice house in a nice neighborhood. God blessed me and the kids so much. We were so completely happy.

I ended up teaching in a low income public elementary school, which I enjoyed thoroughly. I loved teaching kids but they were so destitute. I ended up buying them clothing and taking them food and even a Christmas tree one year. My heart longed to tell them the truth. I felt as if I was doing them a great injustice by not sharing the great truth that God is real and Jesus could save them. I got my hand slapped every time I tried.

After five years the Lord guided me to teach at a museum which I thought was a most bizarre place for God to lead me. Again God blessed us. Again we were so happy. It was a lot of fun and I learned so much about technology and managing people. Again my heart began to ache for my calling so I decided to leave the museum in search of my calling. God did not choose that course. I did.

I had been sick for several years and my medical bills were overwhelming. I went through several jobs; Catholic school kindergarten special education teacher, addiction recovery cottage night manager and even a sales clerk. I learned something important from every place I went but none quieted the Holy Spirit in me. Overwhelmed by debt I filed bankruptcy and moved into my parent's house. We lost everything. My kids were polite but heartbroken.

At my parent's house there wasn't room for all of us. My daughter and I took up residence in the camper in the yard. We made jokes but it hurt.

Shortly after moving into my parent's house my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It seemed as if we were cursed. The operation was a success but the radiation and chemotherapy took it's toll. Today my dad is cured.

After a great deal of re-direction and re-learning from the Lord (the sum of which would be my second novel), I was offered a job teaching middle school EBD children in a Christian children's home. I've never felt so at home in a job. I am surrounded by Christian sisters who love teaching as much as I do. We nurture one another.

I have students whose needs make my heart bleed. Most importantly I can tell them about God. I'm allowed to lead them to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. It just doesn't get better than that unless its heaven.

During this time I was teaching pre-school Sunday school. Again I learned a lot and I loved teaching the children. Children just make my heart sing. They are so beautiful to me.

The singles in my church had gotten scattered and unconnected. I felt a strong desire to help them (help myself) get back in touch with one another. I had discovered years before that being single meant doing it all. Having a Sunday school class of singles meant people who understood. I noticed that the single adults in the class helped each other out tremendously. Now they were scattered and on their own again.

The Spirit called so I stopped teaching pre-school and started working with the singles. In many ways it's the same, just kidding. This is where I am now. If you live in my area, middle Georgia, and are single visit my site and then join us. We take care of each other and we're here for you too.

http://www.notalone.blog.com/

Me, after three years of living in a camper, I am about to move into my own place, my daughter is getting married and my parents are getting their quiet life back. God is so good!

I was looking back in my blog with wonder at the serenity that I must have been experiencing for me to tell you of the books that I was reading in such a playful tone. For a moment I relieved the reading of those books. I was relaxed, at peace, on my month and a half sabbatical when I purchased and read them.

And now I'm in trauma.

I wonder... no I know that God gives us periods of preparation.

I started a new blog site for Christian Singles from all the churches in the area that I live. (Previously I had been sending out a bimonthly newsletter.) It's more of a way to keep in touch with what's going on, a kind of calendar with comments.

I felt God's hand guiding me from the start but the speed at which the newsletter became website was amazing. It took my breath away because God's hand was so clearly at work. I was swept up in the flow of everything falling into place as God's great hands moved across all our lives.

http://www.notalone.blog.com
Of course wherever God is building up Satan is there tearing down. The devilish creature chose to act through my students. To say my classroom has been disruptive would be an understatement. Remember, if you will, that I teach middle school EBD self contained and imagine the ciaos they can cause then multiply it by a factor of ...10 should do.

When my Christian sisters at work (I'm so blessed at work) came in with loving arms to help support me the devilish creature turned his gaze upon my family. And that is where I am now, awake at 2:27 am and wondering how I will take care of it all. Even in the midst of this trial and heartache I see God's hand at work. I know his will is being carried out. I think I am about to be caught up again in the flow of everything falling into place as God's hand sweeps across all our lives.

Isn't God good? Amen!

Here are some words from my personal journal, a folder on the desktop of my old friend.

"I read some EE Cummings poems

I had hoped to copy and

P

A

S

T

E

But I found them all

Too cheeky for my

Provincial

T

A

S

T

E

I started in

Once again

With my paperback Thoreau

On Walden's Pond

Where I had left him, so many months ago

The pages that all came apart

Were now rubber-banded and torn

But still worth highlighting and even reciting as a literary

Art

Form

Have you read Thoreau? Man there's a lot there! I find myself wadding in, enjoying the water immensely but not getting in over my head. It's like every drop is so agreeable that I can hardly go out deeper for enjoying the shore.

Dose anyone else find themselves literally drawing closer and closer to the book till you are hunched over and at the edge of your seat, as if to embrace the author because you finally met someone who you can relate to, someone who understands the simple pleasure of being alone and being in the woods and of reading books, even (especially) on a rainy day, the solitude and time that rain and woods afford you for wasting the day in infinite thought...

It's ironic that I am actually reading Thoreau right now while I am alone in my camper home and it's raining outside. I can hear the drizzle of it through the trees, the tap of drops on the canopy then sliding off and splashing in small puddles on the ground. It's peaceful, tranquil, relaxing.

I finished off A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. I was not impressed, though I did read it through, mostly. I skimmed when he opinionated on politics, environmental issues, philosophy or got too historically boring. When he was actually hiking, except that he doesn't really like nature, he was pretty funny. Most of all I got an overall feel for the complete trail, kinda. (He didn't hike it all. He skipped patches and got whiny and quit a couple times. ) It was like city boy meets the wilderness and never really falls in love just muddles through, until he gives up."

Goodbye old friend, so I'm off to the Wal-Mart to price replacements.

Hope you had a great New Years

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join us, tell me what you think

On the subject of resolutions, I never make them. I stopped a long time ago.

Instead I maintain my, already in place, cyclical process. I have always eaten badly during the holidays and not exercised much in the fall (school teacher = too busy at beginning of school year) then stopped directly after Christmas and begun getting back in shape for the summer.

As for changing anything else, that occurs when the spirit tells me to not just because traditionally it's the popular thing to do.