brenda’s thoughts, watch out I’m Christian

A friend sent me this in response to my question “Is love a commitment to stay together no matter what?” A fella told me that once right after I broke up with him and I’ve pondered it ever since

“About the “love is a commitment to stay together no matter what” statement, I think that this statement should not be applied to a relationship until the couple involved have known each other long enough and well enough to see the very worse side of each other. Then, if you can tolerate each other’s worst side without feeling the responsibility to change the other person and you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, then yes, you should make that commitment. The problem that I’ve seen is that too many people make that statement too early in the relationship. Then they wind up with something totally different than what they thought they were getting. Some people don’t really want to wait long enough to find out about the “worst” side. They would rather close their eyes and hope it all works out. Some times it does and some times it doesn’t.”

Love, love, all you need is love, da, da, da, da
but what the heck is it!
is there a rule book

a gift to me from someone special
 
It’s all about

Comfort,

Tenderness,

And compatibility.

It’s about how much we are the same

Yet very different.

It’s about that ahhhh haaaa moment

When you realize that you have found someone that pierces your very soul.

It’s about willy nilly chaos.

It’s about the quiet way you look at me,

Wanting to say so much yet never saying enough.

It’s about my heart staying on your street every night.

It’s about so much Brenda.

Your smile,

Your giggle,

You’re “you better stop that” look.

Your “I can’t believe you said that” look.

Your “I know exactly what you are thinking” look.

It’s about joy,

Laughter

And happiness.

It’s about you.  

Takes your breath away,

Don’t it,

Took mine

Here’s

A few lines from my students

They crack me up

And make me proud

“Shoes is my fruit of the soul”

“Four wheeler

Mud slinging

Tires spinning

Stuck”

“Did you ever think when a hearse goes by,

I went for an unpleasant walk

I was alone

Generally I delight in it

That day I was bitter,

I walked long and hard

Pounding the ground with each step

Till I came to a highway, which I walked underneath of

And found myself surrounded by artistic expression

Alone, Alone, Alone

Like the raven who wouldn’t shut up

The words were spray painted everywhere

The place reeked of someone else’s sorrow

Alone, Alone, Alone

Everywhere I turned

Alone, Alone, Alone

I wanted to call out to them, write back

“You are not alone, God is with you always”

But they couldn’t hear me, wouldn’t hear and I didn’t say it

I stepped out from under the bridge,

Out of the gloom

Out into the sunshine and the sonshine,

And felt my own words echo back at me

“You are not alone, God is with you always”

I didn’t like it and I willfully refused to swallow

I hate being alone

It’s not the same

I hate being alone

I wallowed and rolled, covering myself in the filth of my own self pity

Still I was in the sonshine

Pounding the earth and hating my path

God persevered when I would not

‘Praise God’, the Holy Spirit intervened

I began weighing out my blessings and curses

This time I did cry out

“I hate being alone”
“But I am richly blessed”
“And I will not ignore my blessings because I’m too busy whining over my curses“

Like King David hiding in the cave,
Surrounded by loyal men,
He cried out to God, “I am alone“
He was so deep in his own misery that he couldn’t see his blessings.,
Couldn’t see God’s hand at work taking care of him.
We all have burdens

Some of us bear them

Some of us bare them

And some of us turn into a bear because of them

But none of us are alone in them.

My students are taking the CRCT. It is very stressful for the students and for the teachers.

Every morning at 9 am we say a prayer together. This week the kids pray like this, “help me to pass the CRCT”, “make us smart to pass the CRCT”. This week I prayed “open our eyes Lord to the wondrous creatures that we are, that we may know and believe that we are glorious because God made us and he made us in his image”.

This is, of course, an attempt to boost their self esteem. Being in the middle of a test is bad for the self confidence, (mark those words). Once its over it’s a different story.

So,

This morning, after having spent a delightful evening with my very handsome boyfriend, I was feeling old, older by the minute and wondering, “How much longer till he finds a younger, prettier model” when a sermon came on the radio.

Can you already sense God at work here?

In the sermon was a story of a man who listened to Satan talk down to him. The man, fortified by the Holy Spirit, told Satan, “let me tell you what o got” and began listing his blessings.

Can you feel God at work now?

I, listening in my car while driving to work, began naming my blessings out loud too.

I have two and a half amazing youngins. I have a job I love. I have students who try so hard to please me. I have a boyfriend who takes me to fabulous restaurants, sends me flowers and tells me he loves me. I am blessed! I am so blessed!

You are too! We just can’t see our blessings for all our fussing and complaining.

God is at work here and in your life too.

What blessings have you got that you need to stop fussing over and simply rejoice in?

With words and experiences

From students, boyfriend, children and the like

(you’re a bad teacher, get out of my space, don’t talk to me, you’re going to meet my mother, tell me you missed me, what’s for dinner, are you paying for it, did you remember to pick up the milk, you’re not paying enough attention to me, you’re not paying enough attention to me, you’re not paying enough attention to me)

Everything echoing, echoing in my head

So

I run

As fast as I can

Like a crazy man

As far as I could

Probably farther than I should

Just to get away

If only I could stay

So very, very far away

So

I left my kayak at home

I put on flip flops on purpose

I don’t want to move

I want to be still

To sit by the river

And hear what it has to say

So

I climbed up on a rock

That I knew very well

In this place I began an acquaintance

With both a river and a man

“Cut straight across till you get to the middle then go straight ahead between the rocks, there will be more shoals later but deal with what’s in front of you now”

Relationships are like rivers fun and dangerous at the same time

If relationships are like rivers

Then rapids are sex

And a good set of shoals can make your breath quicken

If relationships are like rivers

Now here’s a thought worth pondering on

Some rivers go on forever

They’re wide, mighty and strong

Most of what I write

Won’t make it to the web

So much of what we think

Should never be said

After that

I stopped today

At the Whistle Stop Café

Up in Juliet

Where the no cell signal can find you

I sat by a window

The rain coming down

I could see it splash on the river

And all around

The train went by,

The music was country,

The ketchup bottle was glass
And the ketchup wouldn’t come out

The burger was hand formed and oddly shaped,

Grilled in the back

Greasy and enormous

The flavor was unbelievable

So I ate and ate

A cowboy strides in

His step is over confident

But catches my eye

Tourists are here too

Accents in sandals

But they keep the town afloat

So

I’m up in Juliet where no cell phone can reach

To listen and hear what the river can teach

Is it God or the river I’m listening to today?

It’s funny to think a river has something to say

After all it was God who create every rock in its bed

So why oh why would I listen to it instead

Instead of the creator

Of this stretch of nature

So

I take the trail at the bottom of the dam

Cross the wet wood bridge

To walk the narrow muddy path

To the metal grate over rushing water

Where young men

Dare each other to dive in

Deep

I take the ladder in hand

And climb up to the top of the dam

But do not walk out where the water goes over

Leave that to the stupid

There are plenty that will

So

I sat on the top

Feeling the vibration of water through the concrete

The mist on my face from the water crashing below

The birds in a frenzy for the insects above

And watched the people fish from the dam and from rock

Cast out, reel in

Cast out, reel in

Move from rock to rock, turn around, turn around then do it again

Didn’t catch anything, makes a face

Cast out, reel in

Cast out, reel in

Move from rock to rock, turn around, turn around then do it again

Maybe it’s my bait, are there even any fish

Cast out, reel in

Cast out, reel in

Move from rock to rock, turn around, turn around then do it again

Finally, finally a fish he’s caught, will he keep it or will he not

Cast out, reel in

Cast out, reel in

Move from rock to rock, turn around, turn around then do it again

Look at the river

Imprint what you see

Listen to the river

Embed it in your memory

Learn from the river

Take it with you when you go

Remember; remember the soothing affect of its flow

We all need comfort

We all have burdens to bear

God gives us a lot

God gives us means of support and comfort

It up to us to take them

One of my favorite comments, which has been said several times, is the honest response “I like reading about your adventures because I have no intention of going out in the woods myself”
One of my least favorite responses is “I’d love to go out it in the woods with you”

No you wouldn’t,

Do you like the feel of muddy water between your toes, most people don’t
Can you loose your fear of the wood, wild animals and muddy water most people can’t

Can you endure the scratches and nicks of brambles to get to the clearing on the other side, most people won’t

Let me go in alone, I’ll tell you all about it when I get back

Last week I went out to the duck pond,
If your local you might know where that is,
If not…it’s at the far end of lake Tobosofekee,
The whole area never got more than knee deep,
I became very good at the shallow stroke,
The water was so churned that the silt level made the lake more like soup,
I could feel the difference with each stroke,
Several times it got so shallow that I couldn’t paddle at all, I had to pole,
Then it got so shallow I had to get out and just plane drag it,
There were loons (birds) flocks of them that I would sneak up on and chase away like running at seagulls on the beach
It was fun, except I was in my kayak
I saw no other wildlife, except the beloved Canadian Goose, but it was a pretty busy place, lots of people fishing, lots of noise, if I were an animal I’d hide too
I did find a turtle for my class we named him squirt,
He now resides in his own tank in my classroom with minnows brought in for him to eat

Can’t think of anything else that happened, that I can tell you about, continue praying for my students if you already do and start if you don’t, they need it bad and hey so do their teachers

from now till the end of the year,

(31 days).

Today we worked on blank verse,

but I couldn’t make anything but free stuff.

made some examples and put them on the board

read some  Maya Angelo out loud

her stuff

man

that’s good

my kids

these are my examples

Rain

Wet

Coming down

Straight

On my head

And down my face

Dripping off my chin

Making me grin

Rain

It’s like thoughts

Whatever you feel

Random thoughts

Thrown down on white paper

That reveal

Your inner most thoughts

Or just

Whatever’s on top

And can be said

In a crowd that probably ain’t listening anyway

Helping boys with their poems

Here’s my advice

Don’t be the mechanic

Be the salesperson

Don’t tell me about the parts

Tell me why I need this car