brenda's thoughts, watch out I'm Christian

I've had a few disappointments this week and a few good and very good moments this week. I'm not sure what to do with the disappointments as a Christian. Obviously you don't want to be ugly but there is some hurt involved. Should you express it to the party that hurt you?

A good moment was visiting with my old high school art teacher in his home. (He's retired now.) It's amazing he was still able to inspire me. I went right home, pulled out my art bucket and painted. It wasn't any good but it was fun.

Another good moment was that the first singles activity at the church in a long while went well. Not only did I have a lot of fun but at least one person recognized my efforts to bring it together and verbally/publicly gave me credit. That (sigh) was nice.

A not so good moment was when I opened up the His Voice local Christian newspaper and did not see my testimonial that I was told would be published. That hurt a lot.

Another few good moments were the new connections I've been making with women in my church. I'm growing to appreciate my church more every day. There's just nothing in the world like good Christian folks. They are a blessing all by themselves.

There was the loudest cricket outside by bedroom window last night. If he didn't mate, it wasn't for lack of trying.

I'm studying. I've applied to take classes and am also attempting to do a kind of CLEP for certifications in my field. I would like to be certified in the areas of general special education as well as early childhood. So I'm studying and all that that entails. I'm sure you have your own set of 'studying' associations.

I had forgotten how much I enjoy learning and how much I enjoy learning about how people learn or process information. Its really very interesting.

There's so much new information out there now. There are new 'titles' to old definitions and some definitions have been extended. This morning with too much coffee in my system (a comprehension device), I diagnosed Yoda with the delayed form of expressive language disorder. Way too much coffee!

It's like the other day when Sarah and I were on the river. We had pulled up to the bank and she was going to tie us to an over hanging tree. She got all stressed out because she was trying to find the end of the rope that was in a messy pile that she was standing on while trying to balance her self because she was standing up in the canoe, while also trying to keep hold of the slippery tree so we wouldn't drift away. The canoe was rocking back and forth. Her hand slipped off the muddy tree once or twice. The rope was actually two ropes tied together. Exasperation! She looked up just a little and saw that there were cement steps leading into the water right next to the canoe.  She stepped out, got her balance, grabbed up all the rope at once and then looked up some more to see me. She saw that I had a tight grip on the tree and we were going no where. I smiled and shook my head. We both laughed. She said, "I know what I'm doing!" And we laughed some more.

We all laugh about stuff like that but we all do it. We get so caught up in the problem at the moment that we don't consider that we're not in it alone. God is with us. We don't see that there is an answer. God is trying to show us. We feel over whelmed, scared and angry. God is still there. We just have to stop and look up.

You see, for split second she forgot she, she wasn't in the canoe alone, I was there, she thought she had to do it all by herself and that frightened her, but she wasn't alone, she forgot I was there. If she had fallen in I would have jumped in after her. If she had gotten hurt I would have taken care of her. If she couldn't hold onto the tree I would have held it for her. If the current had carried us down stream I would have paddled us back. She forgot she wasn't alone. I was there.

If I will do this much for my daughter how much more will your heavenly father do for you?

You know its some kind of crazy world we live in. Can you imagine what it was like in Sodom and Gomorra? Do you think they played songs like this, lying to themselves and everyone else about their desire to get better?

http://music.yahoo.com/promo-29644410-159-20070418

It's taken me several days to digest what happened at Virginia Tech. I have a son in high school and a daughter in college. (We have had this discussion several times.) Maybe it was one of those unconscious, self-preservation things.

On Tuesday morning, at 7:00 am I was sitting in a coffee shop fuming because for the second day in a row there was no work and the home PC was acting up. In the back sitting area of the coffee shop a group of police officers were meeting. It was the day after the shootings in Virginia and they were stressing the importance of talking to someone about what you see and experience on the job. They were there to support one another. I wondered what they might see in this small town and then remembered my days as a rape advocate and even as a school teacher.

On Wednesday morning American Family Radio came out with a recording called The Day They Kicked God Out of the Schools. They played it all day. By Wednesday night NBC had released footage of the shooters last words. He called himself "a martyr like Jesus Christ" and spoke of the Columbine shooters by their first names.

When I taught at Pearl we had class meetings most mornings. We talked about what the kids saw in their world. We had to. Sometimes they were ticked off. Most of the time they wanted answers. There was so much unfairness. They would ask, "Why I gotta follow the rule when they don't (a teacher, a parent, a police officer) and don't nothing happen to them?" I wanted so much to tell them about God and how much he loved them. I wanted to say. "There will be justice and you better be on the right side of it" and hold them tight, but I wasn't allowed to.

Many years ago, when my great grandmother came to visit (She was from West Texas/Arizona.) she said, "How can you stand it? It's like walking in a green tunnel. I feel like I'm suffocating." I went to West Texas to visit. The openness took my breath away. "I like them both" I said.

I saw two deer in the woods by the church and wondered awhile at an old tree. I always wonder about old trees. If they could talk, what would they say? How much life and history have they seen!

On the back porch the honeysuckle vines are creeping over everything and blooming beautifully. Fat blue jays fight over the feeder.

When I taught at Pearl (a low income elementary school in town) there was a small patch of woods beside the playground. Whenever I took the kids out to play I would gather flowers. When the honeysuckles were blooming the kids would eat them. (They would suck the juice out.) I would say, "Don't eat the flowers. I want to put them in a vase so the room will smell good." They would say, "They taste good, try it." They would look at me like I was crazy and I would look at them like they were crazy. Then we would laugh and pick honeysuckles.

Thursday

On Thursday night, after a meeting with some environmental activist, I fried some shrimp.

When my grandmother was alive and we would visit her in Galveston she would always fry a plate of fresh shrimp on her old gas stove. (Grandpa Louis was a shrimp boat fisherman.)

When my kids were little we learned to cast net on Tybee Island. We loved it. Mostly we caught shrimp. Together we would cut the head and feet off, peel them, de-vein them, fry them and eat them. Sometimes after that, I would buy shrimp ‘head on' just so we could remember.

Now when I fry shrimp and the kids, who are both taller than me, stand around laughing and waiting to grab them up, I always think of family.

So on Thursday, still thinking of my son's plans to join the army, I fried shrimp.

I've been in the same school most of the week. It feels good. Many of the kids and teachers already knew me and now many more do. It feels good.

There is something about being in a elementary school...the classrooms, the hallways, the chairs.

"How do you spell ‘drive'?"

"Tie your shoes."

"Very good!"

Packing a bookbag,

"You need to sit on your bottom."

"Is that a quarter or a nickel?"

Giving ‘the look',

"What's the opposite of long?"

"Good thinking!"

 "What goes at the end of a sentence?"

"You finished all you work! Wonderful!"

Hugs in the hallway,

Little waves,

And little smiles,

Little fingers press around my middle.

That evening my son, unaware of its affect, tells me of his plans to join the army after graduation. He seems to have had it all thought out. I needed a paper bag to breath into. It never occurred to me that he would be leaving. Luckily he's only a sophomore.

Monday evening,

I've been reading up on Simon Peter using wikipedia. While I have learned a great deal about what people think about Peter's past I've learned even more about how wikipedia works.

It reminds me of Bill Clinton in a very small way. (No, I'm not a fan of his.) One criticism of Clinton that I recall in particular was that he asked for advice too much. He said that he liked to know what everyone thought before making a decision. While I understood his philosophy I didn't respect him more for it.

Monday morning; 

It's ironic that the outside light that always reminded me to be a good steward has burned out and I haven't taken the time to replace the bulb.

I've been dragging my feet through daily obedience/stewardship like every chore was changing the cat liter box!

I think the "B" in obedience stands for budgets. I just can't let go of the fantasy that money grows on trees though the bank is grateful for my efforts.

I'm thinking of studying up on Peter. I'll use the Bible as my reference. There are 158 occurrences of Peter's name in the Bible not including the two books he wrote. I used http://www.blueletterbible.com/ as my source.

I had been thinking of Peter as a man of passion and action, who acts first and thinks later, who chooses brawn over brain, and who might not get an "A" in academics but certainly would get one for effort. Recently I have noticed that he was also a man who walked with Jesus and still fell from grace then was personally forgiven by Jesus. So now I'm listening.

Do you ever find yourself singing along to the radio in the car, "Amazing love how can it be, that you my king should die for me, Amazing love I know its true, it's my joy to honor you, in all I do, I honor you..." when your hands start to rise off the steering wheel and before you know it your in praise and worship mode at the red light?

I have a new web site to recommend http://blueletterbible.com/ is a great resource for hunting stuff down in the Bible.