brenda’s thoughts, watch out I’m Christian

It never ceases to amaze me, though, how obvious it is that our brains harbor a variety of intelligences that operate independently of one another or that intelligent educated individuals won’t apply this knowledge to educational curriculum and assessments. I am speaking, of course, of those well paid individuals at the state and national levels in whose hands our standards rests. Here is a theory that touches the tip of this iceburg http://www.cast.org/publications/ncac/ncac_diffinstruc.html but only touches the tip.

On the lighter side, the autistic kid cracked me up. When he wasn’t seeing how wide his mouth would open he was counting in a Darth Vader voice or reading sight words in a whisper. He also liked being tickled under the chin.

Afternoon 

The sermon this morning was on being good stewards with your money. (I don’t, as a rule, like to quote books on here, but there were no words that said it better than what I read in A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. “…there is a direct relationship between how I use my money and the quality of my spiritual life.” Check out Luke 12:48.)

The Sunday school lesson topic, or one of the discussion topics (I can’t remember the actual lesson topic) was “God is with you through the hard times”. Remember the briar patch and the sermon on the radio? I do!

I love it when what I’ve been studying and praying about ends up in a lesson or sermon or both. It tells me we’re all on the right track, God’s in control and He’s got a point to make. Cool!

Hard times + money management =

I hope God isn’t trying to tell me to manage my money well because hard times are coming. If so I’d like to ask, “What does He think I’ve been going through these last two years?”

Early Morning

I’m up before the sun again.

I like it that way.

Sitting on the back porch in my pajamas

Warm coffee in my hands

It’s a little chilly.

The wind chimes tinkle.

I’m thinking of people I know.

Reaching out and miss guided.

What should I do?

The wind in the tops of the trees drowns out the highway

And my thoughts,

It’s too chilly.

I believe I’ll do my coffee drinking

And morning thinking

In the house.

Back in the house

In a comfortable chair

Feet propped up in front of the heat

I imagine…

Living in a log cabin, before electricity

Snow and ice have added an extra layer of insulation

The fireplace is the only source of heat

Children would sleep in the loft where heat rises to

I sleep on a straw mattress on the main floor

Firewood is outside the door

I stoke the fire in the night

There are pockets of cold air in the corners of the one room house

I walk in and out of them as I cook meals and do chores

I’m never not covered in layers of clothing

If I bathe it is only in front of a well stoked fire

Bathing is a great pleasure because it happens so seldom.

It is both a harder and an easier life.

My day dream is broken by the image of my daughter

With her lap top and too short of shorts at the dining room table.

I have had such a good morning. First my headache is gone. Second I’ve been out with that camping class from the church. It is such a blessing to find people who are both Christians and into the environment.

I’ll tell you something funny but don’t tell anyone else. I was making my coffee on my sterno hiking camp stove this morning, thinking I was all that, but not paying good attention. Instead of sugar I put salt in it. Man, what a taste!

After breakfast we made ultra light, alcohol stoves with wind blocks. It’s what all the hikers in the know are doing. Here are the directions. http://www.pcthiker.com/pages/gear/overviewpepsiGstove.shtml

We ended the morning with a walk through the woods in back of the church to pick up trash. It was an exercise in stewardship.

Stewardship is a topic that seems to hit me right bewteen the eyes.

There’s a light right outside my front door which I turn on at night before I go to bed. The light switch is not located near the front door. I have to go back up the steps and inside several paces to get to it. So every time I go out the door and see that I’ve left the light on there are more than a few moments of indecision. Its seems silly but it is a reminder to me to be a good steward even when I’d rather not or when it seems too trivial. This one light, for me, represents respect, comon sense, thriftyness, and just plane good maners.

Remember what happened to the servant in Matthew 25 who wasted his talent??? I do! His talent was taken away. My dad used to say to me, about my artistic skills, “if you don’t use ‘em you’ll loose ‘em.” (He was very keen on the idea of me being a great artist.)

Luke 16

10″Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

So what can I be a better steward of? What can you be a better steward of?

Determined to make it out of the house this morning, though Satan attacked me with a headache and a dead battery, I went out to the church’s land for a walk and a sit.

I walked slowly at first, with headphones on listening to a sermon but remembering not a drop.

Until I came to a path I had not been down before. About 100 yards in there was an old tree. Beyond the tree was a briar patch. The path seemed to pick back up on the other side of the briars. I plunged in. About 10 feet in I could see that the patch was bigger than I thought but I was stupidly determined. When I realized the size and severity of the situation it was too late for turning around. The thorns went right through my thin pants, got snarled in my hair and wrapped around my bare ankles. The pain was tremendous. My eyes watered and I bit my lip. I would not cry.

The patch had grown up over a pile of clear cut trees which had been left behind. I was balanced on top of the rotting logs praying they wouldn’t send me face first into brambles or worse. It was getting warm. Reptiles will come out on warm days. This was rattlesnake heaven.

Through out the ordeal the song, “born and bred in a briar patch” and the picture of the crown of thorns beings crushed on to Christ’s forehead kept flashing through my mind. I’m afraid, I only wanted out. 

When I finally reached the edge my legs were bloody and my head was throbbing. I calmed myself and walked on. Another sermon, this one I remember. “God is with you through the hard times. He was with Daniel in the Lion’s den. He was with Mosses and the Israelites when they crossed the Red sea. He was with Noah during the flood and He is with you too.” I know that’s right!

I turned my headset to a classic rock station and danced my way back to the car.

God is so good!

Absolutely nothing of value!

What is gained by stagnation?

I was up bright and early this morning. I posted on my blog, read and sent emails, messed with the laundry, had several cups of coffee and did some light house keeping. The sun had just come up. So I was going to walk out the back door and find a place in the woods to sit and think, pray, meditate, contemplate, concentrate, be still, and listen. I wanted to have some time alone with God. I thought I’d read a few passages and pages before heading out the backdoor. Then BOOM! Satan hits me right between the eyes. There’s another way I failed to live up to God’s expectations.

It was eleven o’clock before I was out of bed, out of pajamas, out of fetal position and stopped nursing my wounds like a big baby. Sometimes I make myself so mad.

I’m considering medication for depression. I’m considering it. I don’t believe I should take medication for something that if I just hand over to God wouldn’t exist. The reality of this statement is that I don’t think that mental afflictions are real, like physical afflictions are real, even though I have one.

I was reminded of a little girl, who my kids knew, several years ago. She contracted a very treatable disease and died. She died because her parents said they believed that God would heal her without medical help. She died!

This is a fun blog, isn’t it!

Monday morning I was up working from my CR workbook and reading from Romans. I was looking for something that would help me accept God’s forgiveness and stop blaming myself for past mistakes.

Somehow, it made me remember a time in college at Mercer. We had slipped into a discussion on the homeless during an Art class. I distinctly remember saying, “They could do something to help themselves. They just choose not to.” My professor gave me a look. Two years later, at the most, I had graduated but couldn’t find a job, was divorced, had no home and two kids to support. I searched frantically but couldn’t find a job anywhere until I not only gave it over to God but followed His advice too. This was the period of time when I began volunteering at the soup kitchen. I suddenly had a heart for the destitute.

After a morning of spinning my wheels in the sludge that is my own denial I took off for the woods. Only when I got there they were closed! There was a sign at the entrance, “No Trespassing”. (I know what you’re thinking, “that never stopped you before”. Well this time I chose to respect it.) I called someone who might be in the know and we agreed that it was for the best. After all, it was only two weeks ago that I the sheriff’s department was out there for a stolen vehicle. I just hope the criminal element respects the signage as much as I plan to.

There are lots of woods in the world, especially around here. So I headed south to 96 and walked out by the river for a bit. There was ice on the puddles in the shade under the bridge but out in the sunshine the fellas were all in t-shirts. I had on a t-shirt too, under my sweatshirt.

I followed a hog trail as they usually lead somewhere pretty nice and it did. I ended up on a bend in the river where, if it were warm, gators would love to sun bath. Luckily it wasn’t warm. I tried to find solitude but I wasn’t alone in my search.

So I headed out toward the ranger station as I heard there’s a creek out that way where bears are monitored for research. I had the windows down and Van Morrison and Bob Seger playing. I was totally chilled which is good because the only animal I spotted all day was a single insect that absent mindedly bumped into the side of my head and flew away. It was a beautiful blue skied boring day but I reckon we all need a couple of those every now and then.

I should probably tell you that I’m reading Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life and working on the Celebrate Recovery workbook (also a Purpose Driven program) http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/ These are two books which I have started and stopped several times. My goal, of course, is to finish both even if it takes more than 40 days or 12 weeks.

Today I am, once again, trying to identify what most controls my life and then give it over to God so that I can begin to find God’s purpose for my life. After years of denial and a complete lack of self awareness I finally figured out that I have never forgiven myself for turning my back on God and marrying Tim 20+ years ago, nor can I get past my paralyzing fear that I will marry another abusive man. I know this is my problem but I’m cradling it in my arms like an over protective mother whose too afraid to hand her dying child over to the physician.

All the while this song plays in the background of my mind.

Nicole C Mullin

Call on Jesus

“When I call on Jesus

All things are possible.

I can mount on wings like eagles and soar.

When I call on Jesus

Mountains are gonna fall

Cause He’ll move heaven and earth

To come rescue me when I call”

Like flowers blooming,

Children laughing,

Birds singing,

And the sun rising and setting

God’s gifts of love are all around us

It’s up to us to pay attention.

It’s funny that I didn’t get this earlier or maybe its sad. You can’t just decide to fast one day and do it the next. You have to prepare.

When I hike the Appalation Trail I begin preparation months, sometimes a year in advance. I need to schedule a good time for it. I need to plan the precise location. I need make sure my body is in good shape for it. I need to make sure I have all the proper gear for it. I need to make sure my heart is in it.

Fasting is the same.

I need to schedule a good time. (I will need several days without distraction.)

I need to plan where my will be. (I have to have solitude.)

I need to prepare you body. (My body can’t adjust if the change is too great. I must begin eating less before hand.)

I need to have the right gear. (What passages will I be studying? Fasting isn’t just about not eating.)

I need to prepare my heart. (Pray before hand, I must ask God to guide me so that I am working His plan and not mine.)

Most of all I need to know why I am fasting. What is my goal?

So now I will begin proper preparation. I have begun with scripture. The pastor has a page on his blog on fasting. http://www.centralalive.org/theshepherdsheart/ I have also been using http://www.biblegateway.com/ to read the scripture in many translations. I am also reading commentaries, but I haven’t found one in particular that I’m thrilled enough with to recommend. If you find one let me know.

Better late than never and if the horse throws you off get back on and if at first you don’t succeed then try, try a again and all that stuff