brenda’s thoughts, watch out I’m Christian

“I can do anything if I want it bad enough.”

I used to tell a story of inspiration and humor to my students. I will tell it to you now.

When I was a child my dad told my brother and me that we could do anything or be anything with our lives if we wanted it bad enough. We were too young and too immature to think past the present. For us this unlocked much wanted mischief. My brother said, “I can have a baby if I want it bad enough.” My dad didn’t flinch. Like a wet blanket on the fame of our amusement he said, “If you want it bad enough then you’ll be the one to discover how a man can get pregnant.” Not wanting to be out done and desperately wanting to show little brother how it’s done I said, “So I can rob a bank if I want to.” My dad turned to me and said, “If you want it bad enough you’ll be willing to face the consequences of going to jail.” Well that ended the fun.

I know his words stuck with us because my brother and I have both lived our lives as high achievers. I have tried to not let anything hold me back or slow me down from getting what I want. Sometimes this has gotten me in trouble. A lot of the time it has gotten me what I wanted but not always. It has not gotten me what’s most important. No matter how hard I try I cannot get myself into heaven. Only Jesus can do that. No matter how hard I try I cannot know which man will make a good husband and which will not. God knows, though. No matter how important it is to me and how hard I try I cannot keep my children from going to hell. Only God can do that.

I’m finding more and more that I have much less control than I think I do but I’m also discovering that I don’t want all control. I want to be in God’s hands. I want to be safe and taken care of. Par of me still rebels from time to time. Sometimes I push against the arms that hold and protect me. I am the height and depth of foolishness I think.

At the bottom of my resume and on my checks and in my heart you will find, “Through God all things are possible.”

October 11, 06

It’s a Wednesday night and I’m at church carrying a tray of food, looking for a seat in a crowded dining hall. I hear a voice say, “She won’t be mad at you, you don’t have to leave.” I turn to see who they’re talking about. At the table in front of me is the face of a young boy looking up at me.

Kyle is a child whose mother took him out of my classroom because he didn’t make straight A’s. This caused my job to be threatened. Many of my friends and family held resentment toward the parents and faculty for this.

The boy was horrified. I told him and showed him that I was genuinely glad to see him and that I and the other children truly missed him. He was relieved and we had a good meal together.

So, no, I will not hold resentment toward these people for how they have treated me (though I would like to) not for obvious reasons but because it isn’t mine to hold. God will take care of each of us in His time. 

October 25, 2006

It is the day after.

I am without a job.

I sit on a stump beside the pond

With arms folded and jaw set.

Like a petulant child I wait for God to explain himself.

I’m told that God treasures the moments that we cling to him. I wonder if He treasures this moment, probably not.

October 26, 2006

It is my observation that hard time encourages creativity; when you are thrown out of your daily schedule, when you come home to the house of the your life to find nothing where you left it. It is in the search for the answers, “why did this happen” and the question, “what do I do now” that buried truths are uncovered.

Faith is Timmy with a new boomerang.

He throws it with all his strength as far and as high as he can.

It flies over the house, over the trees, and out of sight.

He is stunned.

There’s a loud crash and he takes off running.

He can’t believe it didn’t come back to him.

If I could throw myself into God’s work the way Timmy threw that boomerang what amazing things God could accomplish through me.

I walked around the backside of the lake this morning,

So deep in thought that I studied the impact of each step.

I watched a spider turn around on her web.

I walked up on three white tails. I know they were white tail because that’s all I saw of them.

I settled in a familiar spot like the egret who is always in the dead tree beside the water.

More leaves had fallen since last I was there, like splashes of paint orange, yellow, red.

A great blue heron also settled.

Two sapsuckers battled for space,

And I thought of him.

Am I really beautiful?

He thinks I am.

The saga of the Nasty Burger continues.

This morning I had a complaint, “They won’t let me play.”

To the group of boys who run the Nasty Burger I say, “I’m getting complaints about your game. I hope you’re letting other children play too.”

One boy says as he points to another child, “He did all the hiring.”

Again they laugh.

At mass this morning Father Fred pulls out a guitar. I can’t help but smile. Father Fred is a sweetly aging white headed man. He says, “This is a song we sang a long time ago. You probably don’t remember it.”

He sings, “Do Lord, oh do Lord, oh do remember me…”

My smile increases. My dad sang this song all the time when I was very young. I remember it well. I sing too.

I believe in enjoying the little things.

Sunsets and rises,

Flowers blooming,

Children laughing,

Hugs,

Songs,

I know God speaks to me in the smallest of voice sometimes to make sure I’m listening. Other times His voice is loud and strong, but that’s generally when I’m not listening to His quiet “no”.

So I’m out on the playground at recess and the kids are driving me nuts! They won’t leave me alone. They want me to play with them. (They’re so cute.)

I tease, “I’m gonna change my name and not tell you what it is.”

They all laugh.

I grin.

The game is ‘come eat at the Nasty Burger’.

(The Nasty Burger is located behind the slide and under the tube platform.)

I say, “Nasty Burger! That’s gross I don’t want to eat there.”

One of them calls back, “Our health rating is up. We got rid of the roaches.”

They all laugh.

I order a chocolate milkshake and fries and am carefully handed my invisible food.

They say, “That’ll be $20.00.”

I say, “That’s too expensive.”

They say, “Just hand us your debit card.”
I say, “What?”

They say, “You can just give us your credit card.”

I say, “What?”

They say, “Our taxes are due! We need your money. We’ll give you a coupon. We got rid of the roaches!”

They’re so funny!

I think God blesses us all in very personal ways. For me the Nasty Burger is a rest stop on the path to joy.