brenda’s thoughts, watch out I’m Christian

I wrote this for a forum on tankas, (a form of Japanese poetry that has a 5,7,5,7,7 count) but I was kicked out of the forum for insulting someone who insulted someone else, but that’s what I get, I wouldn’t let my students get away with it so why should I expect to. Anyway, now I’ll just post it here.

A work in progress

The first daffodil

Bloomed last week in my dad’s yard

If it weren’t alone

I would have picked it for sure

More will come so I will wait

Beautiful flower

Bright yellow in winter’s grey

Brimming with sunshine

This cold January day

Singing, “Spring is on its way”

I’m trying to stop rhyming

One single flower

With a great task before it

A scout, forerunner

Breaking ground, clearing the way

Bringing hope of warmer days

I’m bundled up tight

Against winter’s frosty air

A daffodil blooms

All I do is stare at it

I’d forgotten about spring

I’m trying to stop speaking in phrases/sentences too, which is hard because I spent yesterday morning correcting papers. I’ll be seeing capitalization, comas, ending marks, and run on sentences in my sleep for days.

I’m trying to stop

I’m trying to not write rhyme

I’m trying to stop

Stop writing in short phrases

But it happens every time

Maybe I have a poetic handicap

Beautiful yellow

Background of grey, brown and dull

Snags my attention

Image imprinted … still

Ray of hope, I remember

Durn, I thought I’d never that thing out

Kids are wonderful and curious things

One minute you’re changing their diapers

The next their changing light bulbs you can’t reach

One minute you’re telling them about who they should be dating

The next they are telling you about a church you should be going to

One minute they need you

The next minute they don’t

The next minute you need them

Kids are curious and wonderful things

A friend of mine came back from
Africa today

I spent the afternoon in memories of Africa

Of Uganda

Of poverty

Of orphaned children

Of orange dust in the air

Of walking for an hour to get water then waiting in line for an hour

Of teenage girls who beg to be taken away

Of cattle roaming through dumps for food to eat

Of armed gunmen for escorts

Of church services on dirt floors in tiny villages

Her eyes looked off while she spoke

She was not here with us

She was still in Africa

I went home

To delivery pizza

To the wrong hook ups for the dryer

To new debit MasterCard in the mail

To prescriptions that need to be refilled

To emails from friends

To thermostats and weather reports

And thought of Africa

And was changed

Went to the river yesterday

Wanted to spend the last day of the year doing something I love

Hoisted the kayak on the roof of the car

And headed up the road

Radio screaming

And me howling right along

I went to Juliet

A town filled with memories of the past year

I pushed myself into a wetsuit and water boots

I fit in my kayak like a pair of worn out jeans

Ragged and tattered but comfortable

Shove off with my hand against the rocky bottom

The water is icy

The wind is biting

Small craft advisory today

The river grabs hold and turns me around and around

I face into the wind, heading up stream

Dig deep with my strokes

A strong, deep rhythm

Stroke

Stroke

Left side, right side

Left side, right side

I pick up speed

I’m like a knife forcing myself to cut through the elements

Up my nose bounces

Down it smacks on the water

Splash and spray

Like frozen confetti in my face

Down I smack

Splash and spray

Stroke

Stroke

Left side, right side

Left side, right side

Down I smack

Splash and spray

Like a ride at the fair

Laughter rips out of me

To the island I head

To lie on the sand in the sun

Like lying in the arms of a lover

Happy and content

The year is done

I went to work under a lavender sky

A chill in the air

And steam rising off my coffee

The woods have turned swamp, full of water from so much rain

Inviting me in

“Come paddle between the trees”

“See what there is to see”

“We miss you”, they seem to say

I miss them too but I drive on

I came home under a peach sky

Where bare trees reached up

With lace like branches to praise God

Great flocks of birds fly over

All heading south

And I

Like a child at the Christmas parade when Santa comes by

Can’t take my eyes off them

I’ve spent the evening chasing a giant cricket around my room

They can jump really high

And updating a website

Notalone.blog.com

And now I’ve lost my personal journal file

I guess the two activities don’t mix well

Also updated my testimony

http://verbaldoodling.blog.com/2546963/

Earlier today

I said to my class

“We need to work on idioms”

One girl answered back

“Idioms are a piece of cake”

A boy called out

“Did you say idiots?”

I’ll be loosing the girl soon

But keeping the boy

We’re using the Roman’s road to salvation

As handwriting for our autumn tree

Hoping to plant some seeds before they leave me

Going to bed

I hope I don’t dream of crickets

Made it out to the river today

I went to the local boat ramp and found a quiet spot

I was not at the water’s edge

I scooted back to sit in the shade

And watch the water

Watch the sandy bottom

Watch the branches bob up and down in the current

Watch a bug track across my flip flop

Watch birds skim the surface

Watch butterflies dart

A lizard scurry

And hear the relentless sound of highway traffic behind me

Then came the onslaught of human traffic

First the grandfather showing his grandkids the river and demonstrating his unending knowledge of all things nature

Then two young Mexican men looking for a place to fish

Then two very young redneck boys also looking for a fishing spot and strangely enough carrying a white, well groomed poodle

Next came a fat woman who unlike any of the men who preceded her would not stop talking to me, she was married to one of the Mexican men and this was one of their favorite fishing spots, they had caught several last week from this very spot but the line kept breaking so they got stronger line and now they can’t catch anything, but her husband just loves it here because he’s from southern Mexico which is dense jungle and this river reminds him of home

She was very nice but I felt the desire to go walking

So I did

Everywhere I went there were people, in lawn chairs, fishing, leaning against trees, talking, eating a late lunch, on sandbars with small children who were wading in and digging in the sand,

So I walked away from the river toward the woods and swamp

And found isolation

I walked a dirt road with tall grass and brambles on either side

With each step crickets and grasshoppers went flying

There were hundreds

I could hear them chirp

I could hear them pop and snap and thud as they jumped out of my way and into the grass

I could hear them as they continued jumping in the grass

They were so loud that I considered that if a rattle snake were here I wouldn’t hear it for all these crickets and grasshoppers

But there was no rattle snake and I walked on

I felt the call of the wild to get off the dirt road and go into the forest

But unintelligently I had worn flip flops and could find no entry that was free enough of brambles

When the bushes and trees did finally part and let me in I was sure it was a gift from God

Just as I entered I walked right up to a very large and old spider web, it was like netting and I kid you not had a birds feather in it

I grabbed a stick and began whisking it back and forth in front of me to knock down any other webs I might come across, I whisked it so hard you could hear it whip the air as it passed in front of my face

Gingerly I walked on watching for poison ivy, snakes, spiders, etc

I came upon a pig trail, it wasn’t too new and it followed a creek bed so I followed too

Pig trails are great for walking through woods but you gotta know what you’re stepping in, that ain’t just dirt beneath your feet

I kept going deeper and deeper against reason and sanity as I also ways do

Till I came to a place on the pig trail that was fresh

Very fresh

I looked around, continuing to whisk my stick

And decided that since sweat was dripping down my face and mosquitoes were nibbling my forehead I should turn back

So I did

Just as I left the woods I caught site of the spider to which the giant web belonged

I wanted to tell all the woodland creatures to “run away, run away and hide”

Then I thought of Bilbo and his dagger Sting, personally I wouldn’t want o get that close to the spider,

My mind rambled on to squirt guns filled with Raid and then I was back on the dirt road surrounded by crickets and grasshoppers

Suddenly shots rang out, several shots

This is a no hunting zone

And that bozo is shooting right where I was just

I wonder if he was watching me, he had to have seen me

Jerk

Anyway, it was a good walk

I’ll have to go again

This morning
I’m painting
pictures
but I can’t find the bottom of my easel

Last night’s thoughts
I feel great

My health/energy is coming back

I feel like…

You know when the Silver Surfer is separated from his board or when Superman gets near kryptonite

When they finally get their strength back they always make that pose

You know

Legs apart, fists clenched at their sides, head held high, look of determination on their face

You know, ‘the pose’

I feel like I could do that now

Make the pose

I could be a super…hero

kinda

I could

Line all the cabinets and bake cookies too

Or

Trim all the bushes and cut the grass without breaking a sweat

I could be…

The Amazing Mom

Or the Amazingly Single Mom

Ha!

Now I’m just being silly

It is good to feel better

When I drive to and from work every day

(30 minutes each way)

I tend to think of it as a kind of competition

Who can get their first

And all the other cars are the obstacle course

I try to listen to talk radio

Cause it makes me drive slower

Do you know that my little boy

My doodlebug

Will be 18 years old in nine days

I love that picture

He was trying so hard to be good

Cause he knew there was a cake on that table

And he was about to get a piece

He was a big boy

He’s an even bigger boy now

6’3”

My new student is working hard

Bless her heart

I tell her,

“Everyone makes mistakes. It’s what you do after the mistake that determines your character”

Fred has adjusted well

He’s a spoiled bum

He’s a happy kitty

He’s asleep next to me right now

He’s always asleep next to me

Or fussing to be fed

Or held

Or let out

Or let in

Spoiled

Hey, today was great

I had a terrible morning

Everything went wrong

I had no idea how to fix it all

So

I cried out to God

And it was amazing

The great and perfect things that happened weren’t anything that could have been planned or made to happen

It was like good luck all day for my students

It was God

It was really neat because several of the things that happened we had prayed about in our morning prayer

So the kids got to see the power of prayer and the blessings of God first hand

Very cool

Well I made it to church tonight

Yeah

It was like going home

To your mama’s home after being at college all quarter

Minus the back seat full of laundry

Got miffed this morning

I’ve waited all week to fill up on gas so the price could come back down and there’d be no drama (I remember what happened after Katrina)

So this morning I went to fill up the tank

At my favorite gas station

Where the price is reasonable

The people are nice

It’s on my way

And my money isn’t funding some wacko over seas

Flash Foods

But
There were bags on all the pumps

No gas

I had to drive out of my way

OK,
I’m done fussing

The bags are gone now

The price is where it… I almost said, “The price is where it should be.” but that hasn’t been the case for some time now!